"Stop apologizing"

“I’m used to wondering if I’m good enough. I’m used to hiding parts of myself from my parents, (...) from the society I was part of, which didn’t take kindly to my brown parts (...) I’m used to living in shame.” Although Patel’s debut novel ostensibly revolves mainly around love affairs and internet stalking, the introspective passages like the one above are, for me, the beating heart of the book. In straightforward language, Patel tackles all kinds of societal phenomena that are considered reasonable and self-evident, but which her nameless protagonist, as a young woman, nevertheless desperately runs up against. More precisely: as a young, brown woman from the lower middle class – although I hardly dare say so for fear that readers will immediately close the newspaper, sigh loudly and roll their eyes at these polarizing adjectives about race and socio-economic hierarchy.

Ironically, as a writer, I'm confronted with that same skepticism today. That's why I'm constantly preoccupied with form and style. How can I get my message across without raising a finger, without readers who aren't particularly engaged with themes like colonialism and multiple identities running away screaming? I try to keep them engaged by playing with storytelling and humor, and by regularly putting myself through the wringer. Although I've tried to do the latter less since reading Patel. Self-criticism is healthy, but when it turns into self-contempt, it's useless. When I hesitantly discussed the possible impact of racism on my main character at the Leuven presentation of my debut novel, Bintje, a woman in the audience said: "You're constantly apologizing. Stop that and speak out."